FTT Exclusive - The Lou/Fonzie Conversation

One switch that is not under consideration at the moment: Moving Alfonso Soriano out of center field even though he began the night with a .234 average, no homers and one RBI. Piniella said the two had a "nice conversation" Monday and that Soriano is adamant about staying put. "We brought him in here to hit, and if center field is causing a problem, we want to eradicate that, but he feels very comfortable," Piniella said. -- Associated Press

Lou: Hey, Fonzie?

Soriano Handler #1: Do you have an appointment, Skip?

Lou: Um, no. I just thought I'd have a quick...

Handler #2: No trouble, Skip. Let's just check our man's schedule.

Lou: Well, we've got a game in two hours, but you do what you need to...

Handler #3: Treo?

Handler #2: No, Blackberry. I know I should switch, but I just hate setting up a new device.

Handler #3: I know what you mean. I'd have never switched, but once the...

Handler #2: Treo Flush!

Handler #3: You know it. Man, that sucked.

Handler #4: Hey, anyone seen the new iPhone yet? Fonzie wants one.

Handler #1: Me too! Me too!

Lou: Hey, fellas, if you'd all just step aside, I think I see Fonz back there...

Handler #3: One second, Skip. We're talking here.

Handler #2 (quietly): You believe these people? Amateurs.

Handler #1: I told Fonzie, "Fonz, you've got to be firm with these people. They're like children. You don't owe them anything."

Handler #2: Seriously! I mean, it's the Cubs. It would be one thing if we went to a team that actually expects to win. But these guys, it's like...

Handler #1: Vest and Rest.

Handler #2: Aw yeah! You da man!

Handler #1: That's why I'm Handler #1, baby.

Lou: Look, I'm starting to lose my patience here.

Handler #3: No, skip, relax! It'll all work out fine. Take it easy.

Lou: Can I just talk to my freaking player, please?

Handler #3: Language, Skip! Remember the year that Fonzie had last year in Washington? Very supportive managemet, Skip. You don't want Fonz to feel unsupported, do you?

Lou: Actually, I think he was just pissed off with the trade and position change, and playing for a big fat contract.

Handler #4: I'm just going to pretend you didn't say that.

Lou: What?

Handler #3: It's obvious that you're not ready to engage in a constructive dialogue with our client today.

Handler #4: Seriously. I can't even look at you right now.

Handler #3: Why don't you try again tomorrow?

Lou: Huh? Look, you goddamn...

Handler #4: We don't need to call in the Big Handlers, do we, Skip?

Lou: Oh, for the love of... I'm outta here.

Handler #2 (aside): What's with the old man?

Handler #1: Like I care. Why doesn't he just go to Florida and retire?

(Update: Fonzie now has a hamstring problem. Cub-esque!)